Hi Michael,
Have you considered short term antidepressants? John is taking Paxil because this experience is tough, tough, tough to take and we're no heroes here, just humans trying our best to deal with this.
I am concerned about your fatigue to the point of not lifting your head. Has your sodium level been checked recently? If your electrolytes are off balance, you may experience this kind of fatigue you describe.
Please, please try to stay in the moment and not look ahead. You have enough to deal with to be present to the day ahead of you without looking ahead to what ifs, shoulds, coulds, oughttos.
I know easy for me to say - hard to do. You are so young and have a lot of living left to do. Try not to waste a minute on useless anxiety. You are needed even now on this forum to share your experience.
Take care,
Janet