Hey all!

WOW!! Do I feel better...I know I must sound manic depressive, but waking up to a beautiful sunny morning and reading all your eloquent thoughts really helped get me out of my pitty party.

I think it hit me extra hard since I had just decided yesterday to hold off on the MRND until I meet with the tumor board (tomorrow @ Stanford).

I guess part of me was all physch'd up for the major surgery, plus I felt a sense of control for the first time since the dx.

Then, when I changed my mind last minute yesterday I think it made me feel like maybe I was just delaying the inevitable, or staying in denial, or procrastinating, or something.

My best friend (who just nearly died of AIDS in the hospital for 7 weeks; he's fine now) and I have a great saying...Years ago when he was trying to find a good therapist for some emotional issues he had, he kept changing around from one to another...We used to say that he just "changed Drs until he found one that told him what he wanted to hear". I suppose part of me was afraid I was playing that same game, with a much more dangerous ante.

But, whether it's denial or mania, I feel like I am doing the right thing to delay tx for a couple more days to make the most informed decision.

I still may have the MRND (especially if the tumor board recommends it), but not likely by the same Dr who has yet to return my calls and emails, and still has never met me..!

I may also travel to MD Anderson or Sloan to get a final opinion, but whatever I do, it will be fast.

If it's surgery, or chemo/radiation, I'll have it done or started within 7 to 10 days.

Thank you again, each one of you!

I REALLY appreciate the unconditional love and support I have found on this board, and am looking forward to the day, years from now when I am cancer free and able to return the favor to some other person in my shoes.

Warmly,

Michael