It is hard to express the love and compassion I have for all of you already.

Thank you sincerely for every kind word and expression of hope.

Today my Parents went to Stanford with Seth and I to present to the tumor board.

We learned nothing new.

They echo'd the choices and said there is no right answer.

Based on this I have scheduled the surgery for Weds (again) regretting that I have wasted yet another week.

In the meantime I am reviewing the particulars with MD Anderson in case they have a firm opinion against the surgery.

If not, then I plan to move forward to save precious time, and then seek radiation (& possibly chemo, Erbitux, whatever) elsewhere since Stanford is 4 hours away it really makes no sense to go there. Texas, NY, etc are the same by plane, and I am not convinced they are the best for post-surgical care.

I am worried about my family and Seth. Today there was a TON of tension. Everyone has been trying to be on their best behavior but I can feel it unraveling a little on the fringe.

It creates stress for me that I know hurts my prognosis, but at the same time I want to minimize everyone else's pain.

This may sound egocentric, but I have always been sort of the glue of the family. Everyone looks to me for guidance, direction and leadership on almost every issue. I am the type that's always trying to keep harmony.

It's a role I have always enjoyed. Now, I feel like I'm stepping down and things are kind of crazy.

Seth is having an especially hard time and we haven't even started the REAL BATTLE yet!

He is naturally annoyed by my parent's sudden omnipresence, my lack of focus on other things like business, and my in ability to fuction at my normal 110% level.

Are there any suggestions for him? I am really worried about how his is taking all of this. I am going to need him to be strong enough for both us to get through this.

If anyone want's his email address, send me a private mssg. I think if he started participating on this forum it would be a valuable resource.

As always, your thoughts, ideas, comments and questions are welcome!