Hi everyone. It’s been a while, so an update on my progress (aka, therapeutic venting session).

Met yesterday with RO and surgeon. They had (finally), results from biopsy, CT and MRI scans to determine if there is a recurrence. What a mix of news. The good - biopsy negative for cancer and both scans showed no progression in the suspicious mass in my tongue area. Yay!

The cautious- based on my symptoms and their look at my mouth, they are still suspicious that something may be “smouldering” down there and have scheduled an additional biopsy and mri scan to keep a check on things.

The clunker - the scans confirmed previous worries that the location of the suspicious mass would make me a bad candidate for “salvage” surgery. Surgery would require removal of jaw, tongue, some palette; would leave me a basket case; would have a low probability of success and would run a decent risk of killing me.

They used a lot of “cancery” words like “margins”, “quality of life”, “morbidity risk” and stuff, but I’m pretty sure of what they were telling me. “Your biopsy was negative which is great news because we can’t do much for you if there is a recurrence “. Hard to hear because that was (pretty much) my plan b. We talked about other chemo drugs and immunotherapy, but those were offered as a way to slow the growth of a new tumour and prolong life but not so much a cure. Short story? I’m “all in”on cancer not recurring.

Strange thing is that I’m feeling well. Energy mostly returned, relatively pain free, resuming most all activities, haven’t gained back much weight but otherwise feel well. Psychologically speaking less well. Have an appointment with a therapist on Monday to get some help with coping with feelings of fear and vulnerability and being more empathetic with friends (and spouse for that matter) who don’t seem too truly “get” cancer patients and the (unique?) suffering they endure.

Thanks again to this forum for allowing me to vent. It is really helpful and I feel stronger already after having written this. Best wishes to all of you who are fighting this disease or have loved ones who are. Live each day like its your last!