Teresa, I was away and just read this entire post. First I am so, so sorry you are going through this and quite frankly I don't know how you are dealing with all this. If you read my signature you can read all my husband has been through. When my husband was diagnosed he had never been sick a day in his life, never smoked, ate right, took vitamins every day and still got slammed with this. As a caregiver the past 8 months have been some of the most difficult and yet some of the most loved-filled months of my life. My husband is also a very private person and didn't want people knowing he was sick and couldn't even say the word "cancer". He would refer to it as his "condition" or "situation". Our doctors basically told us that chemo alone does nothing for this type of cancer. Chemo would help enhance the radiation and that is what we went for - total cure. My husband told me from day one that he would give it his best shot and go for the treatment all his doctors agreed on. Thank God we are now on the other side but we don't relax totally thinking that it couldn't come back. My husband already told me that if the cancer comes back he won't seek further treatments. That scares me to death knowing how many people on the boards who have had treatment and had recurrances.

In the beginning my husband would get very angry when I would discuss his "situation" with people but I wear my heart on my sleeve and could have never survived this without support from my family, friends and co-workers. When John was deep in the middle of treatments and could no longer talk, he would leave me the most loving notes telling me I was his rock and he could never get through this without me. To me - that's love. John told me during treatments that he wanted to stop because it was just to difficult but couldn't bear the thought of me being left alone without him or leaving his 83 year old mom alone. I think it is totally selfish of your boyfriend to not let his family know what is going on and I think they will be very angry if he dies from this and they find out that you knew.

I don't think your boyfriend is in denial I think he obviously has a strong self-destructive streak and doesn't care enough about his loved ones to share this. I really wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. The reality is that this WILL kill him. With the treatment (if you want to call it that) he is currently doing I would be surprised if he survived months or weeks. I to believe in prayer and miracles. But if prayers alone worked, I wouldn't have watched my mom die from pancreatic cancer after a 3 1/2 year battle and she was caught early. I will continue to pray for you to give you the strength to do what is right for you. Wanda