Teresa
everything you are going through has been gone through here before by others.I know thats no consolation to you right now,but i just want you to know that self destrucion is not that unusual an emotion in cancer patients and is very hard to deal with.My husband wanted to kill himself from the day he was told he had it and it took every bit of feminine chicanery i could muster to get him to have treatment,but boy did he make me suffer throughout the next six months.He hated me asking the doctors questions and he hated me telling him what they said,he hated the fact that as a nurse i knew what i was talking about and sometimes he just hated me full stop.
Nothing you do will ever be harder ,and the hardest part may be telling him straight what a total arse he is being,but if he is as bad as you say it sounds like it will have to be done.Dont let your sympathy for his condition,cloud your reaction as a wife and a human being.If you wouldn't let him away with this behaviour before he was sick,then don't let him do it now.

The best thing you have done is find your way here and there are many like me who have been on the receiving end of bloody minded husbands so i know you will get all the help you need.

take care
liz