Hi Suzanne,
From what I understand they do not expect him to make it "with his current treatment" and he refuses anything more than the oral high dose Methotrexate.
I do understand his mood being what it is, but he goes through this thing of thinking it will be easier on all of us when the time comes if he has made us all so mad that "his being gone will be a relief". I, at least, have the insight of his being sick. His family and co-workers just know that something has changed alot. They do not know that he is sick - and his workers are afraid to say anything. He has lost 47 lbs (over 25% of his weight), gets dizzy and falls resulting in alot of scrapes and bruises,and memory and balance are shot. It is hard not to know something is wrong. He still works, but it takes a while for him to get up in the morning. Sleep is a double edge sword. Without it- he wears down---With it, he gets terribly stiff.
He will not accept any meds other than a water pill and the chemo pills. No pain pills, no sleeping pills, no anti-depressants. He also will not go for a second opinion.
Thank goodness there are still the good days when he loves me and treats me as if every moment counts. That is how I have come to live life --- as if every moment counts. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I did not mean to go on forever.
Teresa