Theresa, I had already thought about starting a folder for all this stuff. I like the idea of a notebook even better. You wouldn't know it but I'm normally a pretty calm person(have to be with 4 kids) so several times I have gone with family and friends to act as the write the questions down person. We are lucky enough to have a huge support network when we need to access it. Right now, my husband doesn't want to talk to folks about it because he wants more info and wants to digest it himself first. Not my style as you guys can see by my blabbing here but I feel he gets to call it on this one.
That makes me even more grateful to have this forum.

I have been soaking up recommendations like a sponge. So, I think we have narrowed down one or two doctors from Sloan to meet with.
We are (as was said so well before) dumping the other MD like a "hot potato." I can see that I'm still shaking off the effects of his reaction. It's really hard to be calm when the Dr hands you papers and his hands are shaking with visible nerves.
I'm working hard to not take his attitude as a death sentence but as a sign of his unprofessionalism. To be honest I still need more work in that area.
Reading people's stories here,I see there was a wide variety of dx but most people seemed to be given there info complete with a full set of facts.
Again, I'm not trying to sound like I know more than him or that I'm doubting he is correct but it seems it would have been more prudent for him to not get upset and recommend a tentative course of tx once we had some tests and more than visual inspection and history done.
We are absolutely also going to follow the recommendation of having everything done in one place.
I like the idea of team meetings.

The one good(?) thing that has come out of this is I am not worrying about stupid stuff right now. Stuff that seemed so important before has a different perspective. The bad thing is I find my concentration and patience somewhat shot.
Do people find themselves getting into a kind of "zone" with it eventually where you don't feel so consumed with thinking about it.

OOPS. One more question. Dave is a very thin guy(naturally) to begin with. A few months ago he had changed his diet to make sure his cholestoral was ok. Since June he lost 8-9 pounds(the weight loss was another concern of the Dr but honestly he had really changed his eating and exercise habits).
Right now, he has a huge appetite(and minimal discomfort with his mouth even after the biopsy) and has been enjoying eating whatever he wants. Should he be trying to gain some weight before starting tx or doesn't it matter?
Should the dr have biopsied his nodes yesterday since he said there is "activity" on both sides?