Kathy I DO. I promise you that. That's what has kept me coming back here since 2009. I love you all, too.

My step daughters have been with me since about 1030 today. In lieu of anything else, they are just cleaning house. Spring cleaning, check! DONE. I still have to go through the garage, but the inside of the house (other than the teenagers room OMG!) will be finished. All they lack is mopping the floors and they are currently off to the store to get supplies and lunch.

Matt is doing well today. He is comfortable, awake, but distant. In that space of working things out on the inside.
I feel that he is definitely waiting for his sister to get here tomorrow. Anything beyond that only God knows. I feel like he has made such an improvement over the assessment of the hospice team on Friday (...was that really just yesterday????) morning.

I do have peace. I know that he loves me. I know that he can feel my love both in words and by how much I take care of him.
We saw a movie several weeks back, no clue what the movie title is or the exact quote, but a couple remarked that they would always KNOW the others love within even when they were separated by death. He looked immediately at me and said, I hope we have that, too. I believe we do.

I am somewhat .. well P'd off over a comment his older sister made regarding final arrangements. I don't have a plot yet. He knows this, our plan has been that I will find a totally awesome cemetery, one that people, like us, enjoy visiting just to check out the cool old stones there.... then I will buy a cremains bench so that people will have a nice place to sit and rest among their exploration... that's settled.
Sister in law states, I am SO young, I'll definitely remarry, I might as well use the 1/2 of his mothers plot that is empty since she was cremated, too.
Perhaps she meant is as one less thing I would have to worry about, but to me at the time it was a slap across the face.
To me, any man that is lucky enough to marry me in the future will know that if it weren't for this damn cancer, I would still be Matt's. They will accept my final placement, or pi** off.

The girls try to get me to rest, but I cannot. I feel like I don't want to miss being there with him right to the end. I am on a vigil with no end in sight just yet...

Then again... my eyelids are VERY tired just after taking time to get some of this out... Venting always helps.

Til' next time,
Mrs. Matthew Dale Moore