Dear Charm, What can I say. This is gut wrenching. Like many others I have looked up to you and appreciated your wisdom, empathy , diligence and your humour. Yes , these are fighting times and you are a fighter. This is a battle that can be done. You are already armed, go fight.
As a caregiver and a member of the reoccurrance club I do know the utter devastation that Bev ( and You ) is feeling right now. She I'm sure just wants to fight for her Man and keep you safe. For myself, I found that once we knew exactly what we were facing and how we were going to treat it I was able to be much calmer. I stood right beside Kris and fought as hard as I could for him, Wife, Lover, Best Friend, Advocate, Cajoler, Encourager and Nurse. I definitely identify with her terror and fears. Sleeping pills helped me a lot too otherwise my mind just spiralled.Once treatment started I knew we could do the fight.
Should you need to lose your tongue, I'm here. Been there, done that. Go fight Warrior,
Tammy - and Kris

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!