Cheryl,such a heartbreaking story. This disease has been relentless for Doug and he has gone through so much. As have you. You have walked every step of the way with Doug, every step. You really are an amazing Woman.
As this journey comes to it's conclusion, breathe. Try to enjoy each day and moment you have left. Let Hospice do the caring. Let them look after you too.
I understand your panic and the not wanting to be left alone. It is far too young to be widowed, way to young. It's not fair that this disease has robbed you and Doug of 30 years of living and loving.
I want to tell you that will get through this, you will, in time.
I pray that your families gather around you now with support and love.
In my thoughts,
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!