I sat here reading and rereading your comments. My eyes overflow with tears, my heart overflowing with gratitude. You've all been through so much, yet comfort a complete stranger.

Doug is on disability, we had no choice, we've lost the business and much more, but that's where the help stops.
He refuses in home anything! We had nurse care for a day, he told them no more.
As far as spiritual,he has no interest. He never was a church going man and believes it's sacrilege to start now.

Yes he is on an antidepressant, and yes plenty of pain meds too.

Doing stuff together, hmmmm, lets see.
We got out once, went to a family members wedding, we had to leave after an hour because Doug refused to feed himself anywhere but home, even after I found him a secluded spot.

Another true story:
After two broken back surgeries the doctor told Doug to get up more, walk more to rebuild strength, I asked Doug to walk down our sidewalk, it was a nice day,but he wouldn't. He said he didn't want the neighbors to see him using a walker!
Really? These are the same neighbors that have seen him almost die on our front lawn, seen ambulances here on several occasions and the man doesn't want them to see him using a walker...I just DON'T understand.

As far as time for myself, that's no problem, I CAN go whenever I want, but I find it hard to enjoy anything knowing he is home alone and I could once again find him injured (or worse) on the floor. It is cruel! If just for my sake, he should have someone sit with him while I'm out, but he won't - so I rarely do.

A big problem for me is the lack of friends. Oh I have them, they just no longer live in my state. Really I'm not kidding, all 5 of my closest friends have now moved away.
I do spend far too much time isolated, but at least now, I'm not feeling alone.
Am I ranting?
Is there a caregiver is cranky tab?

What an amazing site, such wonderful people. Can't thank you enough.