Hi all,
I'm really at a loss of where to post. Should I start a new topic or be under caregiver?
I really feel lost, so I'm just going to write here and see what happens.

I need help with this sadness, I need help with acceptance.

Last Tuesday I noticed Doug's leg swelling. I showed him, but he wasn't concerned. By Wed I was sure the swelling wasn't right, but true to Doug's self, he asked me to wait until Chemo Thurs to see a Dr.

On Thurs Dr took one look and sent him to Doppler. He has three very large blood clots. He was admitted to the hospital where he received platelets and blood thinners to get rid of the clots yet make him strong enough for surgery.
It was quite the balancing act.

One the 16th they took him to surgery and put in a Greenfield Filter to catch any dislodged clots.

During our hospital stay they did his 3 month PET Scan, and it was not good.

The cancer has returned to the 2% of tongue he has left, it has invaded more lymph nodes and has metastasized into his right lung.

I am devastated, we are devastated. We understood that someday the chemo would stop working, but somewhere I believe, we both held onto hope.

There is a crushing weight on my chest that I cannot shake.I am frightened beyond belief and just don't know what to do.

As you would guess, Doug is keeping himself as busy as possible and as always Cheryl is wanting him to stop.
Yesterday when we got home he was up and down the steps 10 times. His syncope would hit, he'd stop for a moment, then continue on.
When I asked him to stop he said he was not going to lay there and die.

Today his leg is swollen again, go figure. He refuses to call the Dr, but he is taking it a bit easier.

I want to choke the life out of him, yet I'm so very scared of losing him.

I'm a plain old basket case and have no idea what to do.