Cheryl,

Just as a note, I also am self employed, and as stupid as it sounds, I didn't cry until I was told that I could expect to be off work for 3-6 months during rads.

I've been thinking a lot about what you have written. My job is to problem solve, so I have been mulling over this, and here's what I have come up with

(a) A big part of who we are is often defined by our work. While he can't return to work is there something connected to that he can do? Maybe consult for another company? His brain is still there, even if physically he can't. Are there some old work contacts who could start by simply emailing him some questions?

(b) Or perhaps there is a skill that is transferrable to charitable organization. I have a friend who is a carpenter, but was in a bad car accident, ending up in a wheelchair. He now carves wooden figures, which are donated to charity.

(c) Is there a task around the house that isn't too taxing that you could ask him to do? He strikes me as a "man's man", so anything outside of the traditional realm of "women's work" (cooking cleaning, etc.) might work. Fix a clock, build a shoe rack, etc.. As a feminist myself, I had to readjust my thinking for my dad when he was sick, because asking him to help fold laundry was akin to suggesting he was weak (men, bah - birth some babies, and then tell me who the weaker sex is - no offence meant gentlemen).

That's all I have so far, and maybe none of it is helpful, but it might trigger something for you. I'll keep mulling.