Cheryl, welcome to OCF. Thank you for taking to time to write your story and to include so many details so we all have a good understanding of your entire situation.
First, I commend you as being a wonderful selfless caregiver. Being a caregiver is not an easy job. It takes unwavering dedication and compassion which can wear most people out. Its never easy taking care of someone else as well as being in charge of everything else in the house, including trying to care for yourself when you can squeeze that in. I always advise caregivers to make time for themselves so they dont become overwhelmed. To me, you passed that point a long time ago but you just keep going strong. There arent many who could do what you have done and continue to do.
We are here for both you and your husband. We will support you both. Its ok to lean on us we will do our very best to guide you and offer a shoulder to cry on.
I hate how isolated you are. Its completely unfair to you. Everyone needs support, including your husband (but he would probably never take it). My suggestion would be to have a long talk with him. Obviously he will not be happy so you need to be very gentle and kind, telling him how much you adore him and how hard this is on you too. He needs to understand you must get out among others for your own support. I can only hope he will allow you to have some time for yourself, even if its only an hour or 2 a week. It will help you to clear your head and be a better caregiver.
As long as he is getting treatments hospice will not help. When the time comes he stops the treatments then you will have all kinds of support with hospice. If your husband is taking pain meds they can alter his personality. Also he may be depressed, that is very common with OC patients even those who have better prognosis.
I was looking up the NCCN guidelines for another member when I stumbled across this. I think this may help you with your husband. It addresses support systems among many other important topics.
NCCN Pallitive Care Guidelines Wishing you both all the very best with everything you are dealing with.
