[quote=Maria]It is possible to challenge the assumption without challenging the poster personally. Changing 'you should' to 'I think if I were in your situation' provides the same information without the personal attack. Anther useful phrase is: 'it's hard to argue with the numbers' In this case, its the numbers fault, not yours or the person you are responding to.

Maria [/quote]

Right ON, Maria. We're all adults here and not one of us wants to be told what to do, no matter how correct the advice is. "You should..." can easily be changed to "I would..." and the entire tone of the response changes. Also, I always try to remember how I felt in those first few days after diagnosis and what I thought I knew about oral cancer and its long term effects. I thought I'd never have a normal life again and I was very, very scared.

Stage IV SCC lt lateral tongue, surgery 5/19/08 (partial gloss/upper neck dissection left side/radial free flap reconstruction) IMRT w/weekly Cisplatin & Erbitux 6/30/08, PEG 1 6/12/08 - out 7/14 (in abdominal wall, not stomach), PEG 2 7/23/08 - out 11/20/08, Tx done 8/18/08
Second SCC tumor, Stage 1, rt mobile tongue, removed 10/18/2016, right neck dissection 12/9/2016
Third SCC tumor, diagnosed, 4/19/2108, rt submandibular mass, HPV-, IMRT w/ weekly Cisplatin, 5/9 - 6/25/2018, PEG 3 5/31/2018