And another thing ...

After a number of weeks cruising the boards, I pushed my Alex to have a look. He initially refused, believing that he would learn more than he could cope with but eventually took a peek. I steered him towards WendyG and her Steve as our experience seemed to be mirroring theirs. He found the "normalness" of his erratic response to the disease and treatment to be so reassuring, he began following others.

Charm, Eric, RossNZ and DavidCPA are the ones that spring immediately to mind.

These people suited him as they didn't do any of that "emotional crap" that we women are so reknowned for and which he was getting in spades at home (I just wouldn't let him wallow and insisted he told me what was going through his head).

Then I realised I had been using the boards to rant ... oops... what if my Alex read some of my posts and took them badly or worse, took them seriously!! Luckily for me, we have always maintained an open and honest exchange and when he DID come across something that painted him in a less than ideal light, he did the grown up thing and recognised that I was also under pressure, had no one to talk to, and was just letting off steam.

There are times when I think it would be good to have a private section for caregivers to vent but then realise I would have missed the insights from the men on this board who pulled no punches and helped me to understand what I saw as Alex's childish and frustrating behaviours. Thanks to them, I now know this is normal(ish) and a fairly common response from a male who has lost control of his life and feels he is letting his partner down somehow.