Hi - I am on this site because my situation is very much like yours Liz, in terms of my husband's response to this cancer. It is almost like I wrote your story.

I have also talked and shared info. from the site but he will only read items if I insist and he would not consider reading on his own or posting. He is very active on the computer with his interests, research, farming, winegrower etc. which I am thankful for as that means he is planning for the future. He would never have gone to the Dr. at all if his dentist hadn't set up the appt. for him. While there are times he thanks me mostly he is angry at having to "deal with it". He is subbornly not doing anything to help his recovery, except in recent months brush his teeth. He says he wants to eat again, get back to his "normal" life but every encouragement I try to give is met with irritation and resistance. Next week I plan to get him emotional help but he doesn't want that either.

I am on this site as you are my only support group. We recently retired to a rural area and we have made aquaintances but no deep friendships here and our friends and family are 3 hours away. Our adult children live across the country and this weekend is the first time we are all together since Emmett's surgery. They have expressed concern and shock at his change in demeanure, and it is sad for me to see their reactions. Over these past months they have called often but he refuses to talk to them for the most part. So different than before and upsetting to them being so far away.

I am also on this site for knowledge, to know that what we are going through medically, emotionally is normal. It is what I can do to understand what Emmett is going through as he does not share his feelings much either.

We will be married for 40 years this fall and I would never have expected Emmett to act this way. It is so totally opposite the man I have known and love. Well educated, in leadership positions, well liked, caring, loving and an exciting person to be with. We would travel and come home with new friends we have kept in touch with. He has had over 10,000 views on his Caring Bridge site (which he does post on when feeling good) but most have no idea how extensively our lives have changed with this reoccurance. He also does not answer the phone, prefers not to see most friends or travel, surprisingly he will go out to dinner so that and medical visits are our big events away from home. He is happiest when he is on his tractor, alone on his farm.

Boy I kinda went off on a long winded road. Sorry. So the bottom line is Emmett doesn't want to know much about the journey ahead of him and he is fine with me leading the way. Even if he gives me crap at the time. I would like to know what caused this drastic change in his personality - medical reasons, emotions, anger, actually the treatments, or all of the above? I haven't given up hope Emmett will be back.