Gary, He likes the counselor. In fact, he insisted we switch to this counselor when we were seeing another one. And this counselor is a good one (I've also had my bad experiences with counselors in the past) but he calls us BOTH on things and also helps us be kinder and more compassionate. Mainly, though, hubby has not wanted to see the counselor when he's had so much of his body (I was going to say "one foot" but that doesn't quite give the picture) out the door that he isn't willing to do the work. So aksing him to call the counselor if he stayed was my was of saying "are you in it anough to do the work". If not, we really do need to be separated.

As for what you said about lawyers, I worked as a community mediator for many years so I hear ya. But one of the main issues in our marriage is that hubby has a hard time negotiating, also there are some issues of support,as I see it, given the medical bills I am facing. I've ben through two prior divorces too where I either used a mediation lawyer or we just agreed and used one lawyer. But when you are in remission from two kinds of cancer, either one of which may come back, the terrain looks a little different in terms of taking care of yourself. Anyway, thankfully it hasn't come to that and hopefully will not.