He should have been in a support group for caregivers a year ago. I'm still having health issues, but the worst are over. He's not someone big on support groups anyway (I tried to get him to go to the caregiver support group here several times and he wasn't interested).

As far as ultimatums, I didn't see myself as giving an ultimatum--it was setting aboundary though. He had already put me through hell announcing he was leaving, and actually leaving for several days, and then saying he wanted to stay at the VERY last minute, but fater saying he wouldn't come back to counseling. I didn't want him thinking he could stay and keep the hell ongoing about whether he really wanted to be there ir not without even getting counseling help. To me that WAS an appropriate boundary at that point.

I didn't really say the marriage would be over if he moved out just that I was going to get a good lawyer and I suspected we wouldn't reconcile once lawyers got involved.