Hi Mandi,
I am sorry to hear about Dennis's relapse. As you have found out - intervention without a committment to the program is a short lived deal. I too had an alcoholic wife who was unreformable and is still out there. Alcoholism doesn't care about gender, social status, race or age. That situation with my ex shortened my life as I am sure that your situation is shortening yours.

I would get tough on it at this point - restraining order, supervised visits, legal separation, etc. Its the only option you have left (based on your remark "but did the usual song and dance....played us all on everything" I take it that this has happened several times already). It may help him finally hit a bottom. Staying with him is rescuing and enabling behavior. At this point you must realize that YOU are the one with the problem - not him -as bizarre as that may seem.

Alcoholism is a cunning baffling and powerful disease. It says in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous that "The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others".

There are a few things that you need to test him on if he makes more promises:
1. He has to be willing to go to any lengths to find recovery. He also needs to be honest and openminded.
2. He has to go regular AA meetings. If he drank every day he should be attending AA everyday and more than 1 meeting a day in the beginning.
3. He needs to find a sponsor and be accountable to that person (has to be a male). Preferably someone with some serious recovery and has worked all the steps.
4. He may need to go into a 30 day "spin dry" program (and maybe even a 3 day detox before that). He may need a residential halfway house program after that.
5. He needs to work the 12 steps. Alcoholism is merely a SYMPTOM of the disease. The steps will allow him to focus on the root cause.
6. He needs to buy a Big Book and read it.
The program is a lifetime journey. One never "graduates"