Mandi,
All of us who have quit drinking have hit a bottom (or at least what we perceived as a bottom) and that was the first step towards recovery. We had to come to a point where we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol.

What you have done is very courageous and difficult. Rescuing and enabling are far easier paths to take but rarely produce positive results. The path you have taken is his best chance at survival. Do not accept any hollow promises for change. Let him demonstrate his committment to recovery on his own before reconciling. We alcoholics are charming and very adept at talking our way in and out of situations. For AA to work there are a few principles that we have to follow. The first are that we have to be honest, open minded and willing (HOW). We have to go to meetings, work the (12) steps, read the Big Book and be accountable to a sponsor (another alcoholic of the same sex with 12 step experience). Professional counseling wouldn't hurt either as alcoholism is merely a symptom of the real disease which is buried deep in the core of the person. It is a LIFE LONG PROCESS.


Your remark about being the (over) responsible one is a common "long suffering spouse" comment. Being over responsible can lead to a lot of resentment as I am sure you are feeling. Add this to the grief you must be feeling about the loss of your previous life, in spite of how imperfect it was, and that is too big of a burden for one person to bear. That is why I beg you to find a support group that you are comfortable with. Many others have been on the same path as you, just as we cancer patients and caregivers find strength just knowing we are not alone through OCF, so you will find comfort in knowing the you are not alone in dealing with a sick spouse. Community is a tremendous asset. Have you been to an Alanon meeting yet?

Your comparison of alcoholism and cancer are right on. They are both diseases that can lead to death (or at very least to make life unmanageable). I have had much time to reflect on my cancer and it is a lot like alcoholism in that I will always be a cancer survivor (or whatever you want to call it) as much as I will always be a (recovering) alcoholic. I am so grateful that AA gave me the tools to get through this cancer business without having to drink, abuse prescription pain meds or have a major pity or fear party.

I don't think that alcohol will make you feel better though, it only serves to mask the pain or stop the voices inside our heads. People who "feel good" through the use of alcohol are the "normal" ones -we don't have that luxury.