Hi Mandi,

The following words need a disclaimer: I have never had to deal with an alcoholic family member. I have little experience counciling couples with serious marriage problems. I Do not claim to know exactly what you should do.

With the disclaimer written I ask myself what am I writing for.....I am not sure. I had to. I want to help. Here goes.

The only person we can change is ourselves and perhaps our children to some extent. Once anybody is past a certain age (this is probably variable) then the ONLY person that can cause change is themself. From what you have described, I see a man that is fighting his own demons, using his drug of choice to escape and in my personal opinion needs outside professional help if he is going to make it.

You pretty clearly and rightfully are frustrated and that is a waste of time (something we all know is too valuable to waste.) I really hate suggesting this but it is the only thing that makes sense to me and that is for you to physically step away from the situation for enough time to figure out the long term solution. I say I hate suggesting that for all kinds of reasons. Marriage is a mighty important thing and I do not advocate breaking them up. On the other hand clearly there are marriages that aren't working.

You have gone from wife to scared wife to caregiver, to babysitter and at the same time raise your kids. Now you have to be therapist and rehab counsellor too? Nope your plate is full in fact if you are not careful your plate is going to crack.

He isn't helping. Something major will probably have to happen before he'll get back in gear. I'm not able to help him, and I don't know if I am helping you. BUT Be very sure that I am really concerned for the kids.

I wish it would get better soon.