Hi Mandy,

We've corresponded before, I had hesitated to say what Mark just stated above...But...Having had been through the alcoholism, crazyness that my ex wife had become, trying to get counseling for her, and finally winding up in counseling myself, I found the only solution was to put an end to a bad situation and separate myself from her and her destructive habits. Especially when I realized she was still merrily drinking herself into oblivion every day, writing on the walls and insisting she was normal and that I was the one with the problem. And I was the one seeing a shrink on how to cope with her and "understand her state of mind"? Excuse me? What was wrong with that picture.

"Leave me alone or I'll make life Hell?" Sounds like it's already there pretty much. Maybe in his mind, his life hasn't hit bottom far enough to make him change. But it sounds like you're about at the bottom. When the kids want to stay at a motel, maybe it's a sign that it is time to change locations. I know it's a tough decision to make, made even worse by the fact he's gone through the cancer wringer. But that does not give him any right to put you and your family through what you are going through. At the end of the day, you have to honor your health, your mental sanity and your kids' health and mental sanity. If Dennis hadn't gotten treatment for the cancer, it would have killed him. If he's not going to get treatment for his alcoholism, he needs to understand there's consequences to that also. If he doesn't believe the consequences are bad enough to quit drinking, then that should be his problem, not yours.

Ex had plenty of warning, gave her many opportunites to change. In the end, she's still drinking her gallon of vodka a day, smoking her 4 packs of smokes, acting crazy. I've since re-married to a wonderful woman, started a new life. But I kept the life insurance on her - - given her current habits, even though I've statistically only got a 50/50 chance of surviving the next 5 years, I give my self better odds at longevity than I give her.

Step back, look at your posts and notes as though you hadn't written them, and ask yourself "what would you advise this person."

Somehow, I don't think your advise would be to stay the course and keep dealing with it like you are.

Mandi take care of yourself.
Bob

SCC Tongue, stage IV diagnosed Sept, 2002, 1st radical neck dissection left side in Sept, followed by RAD/Chemo. Discovered spread to right side nodes March 2003, second radical neck dissection April, followed by more RAD/Chemo.