Hello Sue, Jeff and Cray, many many many thanks once more for your posts. We returned to the hospital today for a further appointment and final consultation and Harald will be admitted on Tuesday for operation all day on next Weds (Sept 10th). He has managed to go the last 2 days and nights without smoking and I think its finally hitting home to him what this is all about. I see it as the biggest rock (not pebble) that anyone has ever thrown in a pond and the ripples are far fetching.... so many consequences of years of smoking and booze too.... Im feeling all kinds of things - anger sometimes that he has been so self destructive in life - we havent even been married 5 years.... I want a life with him. I will do all I can to be positive and look after him the best I can. Work will pay both him and me whilst we are off, but my job was under review anyway (as those of all the secretaries of the organisation where I work), so there is added stress there. Ive never been through such an awful time in my life and then the guilt comes in because Im not even the patient! Thank you, Sue, Jeff and Cray and also David. I will savour the little victories and each small step - that is good advice. I will be back and in touch again. MANY THANKS FOR BEING THERE: I NEED YOU SO MUCH:

Best Wishes, Judith (England)