Hi, Judith . . . my Dad had the same surgery as your husband, although his was 21 hours believe it or not. As I am reading all your posts, it brings back all the anxiety and terror that we had with him. My Dad did not remember being in the hospital at all . . he was in for 2 1/2 weeks, then rehab 10 days. I remember well the times he was kind of awful to my Step-Mom . . you always hurt the ones you love and I think that is because you can let your self go and feel as awful and angry as you want to because you know the person who loves you most will forgive you . . . She would cry but she knew it was the drugs and he did not even know what day it was or where he was . . .how terrifying for your husband too . . . especially with a trach . . . I am praying for you and hope you are trying to take care of yourself. I don't know how much to stress that . . being the care giver is something you do not understand unless you have been there. I have seen it all with my Dad and I did not know how I would handle it all from the moment I saw him after his surgery . . but you do it. . . and you live through the tubes and you live through the stitches (he looked like Frankensteins monster, his jaw was rebuilt from his shoulder blade, flap taken from there also). you live through the god awful trach and many times I helped mop that up when I never thought in a million years I would go near it . . but you do it because you love them. I HONOR YOU, JUDITH . . . you are doing a great job and I came here to OCF and cried and complained and banged my head against the wall and these people held me while I did so. You will never find a better place to be I don't know what I would have done . . . Don't ever feel afraid or ashamed to say what ever is on your mind because we have all thought it, felt it and lived it . . .

Hugs to you, Judith . . know that I will be thinking of you both and praying for you from this point on . . . hang in there . . . you are among friends . . .

Laura