Judith,

Like you, my husband and I have not been married too long. And like you, my fear of losing him nearly overwhelmed me before his surgery.

When I was at my lowest, I asked a friend whose husband became a quadraplegic four years ago and whose son was recently diagnosed as a schizophrenic how she managed to face all the hard times, always with a smile and kind words and deeds for others. She said "stay in the present." She focuses only on the present and tries not to worry about the future or fret about the past. She says the future will take care of itself and there's nothing we can do about the past. So, we might as well make the present as good as it possibly can be.

Her words helped keep me going in the weeks that lead up to Chip's surgery and during the 12 hours of the surgery itself. Those words even helped me when I first saw Chip after the surgery with tubes everywhere and quite out of it. I just kept telling myself he is out of surgery not in it, he is alive, not dead and he is taking the first steps toward recovery. Somehow that helped make the impossible more bearable.

I know you have come to the right place, Judith, for the people here know so much, have been through so much. They will help you as they did me. You are not alone.

Best wishes,
Karen