Judith,

I just read your post to me. You are acting just the way the rest of us did at this point. The panic has parked itself in your head and it wont leave.

I felt much better once the treatment started and we were focused on the goal and routine. Our nurses were so encourageing and that kept us going. My husband was not a candidate for surgery so I cant imagine the fears of a 12 hour surgery.

THe last 3 weeks of Radiation and Chemo were the worst and when the treatments stopped we experienced some more depression...the fear comes back and parks itself in your head. You start to feel helpless again. But with each day comes something new....like watching a baby grow up. My daughter called me the other day and said DAD ATE A TACO and we were both just gitty all day because our baby ate a taco. He loved spicy food and we never thought he would ever be able to eat his favorite foods.

There are still really bad days for us but you gotta get use to picking out the good and focusing on that. Laughter is found at every turn of your journey...seek it out and things will get better.

Let me know if you need anything and I will be thinking of you both! cray