Hello everyone, it has been a while since my last post. I hope all of you are keeping well, and having a good new year.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007 is the last day of my fiance's treatment. Which feels good to know that he won't have to go back and forth so much to the hospital, and he can finally rest. But even though it feels like a relief that he will be done, all of me feels worried about what the doctors will say about his condition.

Last night we were chatting and he said to me that the last time the doctors spoke with him about the three new tumors that they found, they said that they didn't think he was going to make it, but that they would increase his dosages and do what they can. Has anyone else had this said to them and beat the odds? I can't lie, I am terrified, and after our conversation, I can't help but feel really down and worried about how much time we have left together. I love him so much, cancer has really taken a toll on him but it doesn't change me or how I feel for him. 9 years together this year and I want to continue growing together, I just keep wondering if we will get the chance. I look at him and I ask him what he thinks or how he feels, and he is positive that he can beat this, and that just gives me strength to keep on fighting with him.

The tumors he has have shrunk, one by his jaw bone, one by his adams apple, and one beside his nasal passage. The two I can see is the one on his jaw bone and the one by his adams apple. They have shrunk a lot, but I still see a little lump there. I am just wondering if within two days it is possible to get rid of these tumors. All I do is keep praying for a miracle. I want the best for him, and if I could be a little selfish, I just want to be around him as much as possible.

When I talk to others around me who haven't been through anything like this, they say that everyone has to go sometime and that I should prepare myself if necessary. It hurts to hear that, even if it is true I just can't bear that thought. I know this can happen to anyone, and learning how to deal with it is a part of life. But it just feels so unfair, we just kept saving our money and waiting for the right moment to be together, not knowing that this would change everything. We never got a chance to do half of the things we wanted to do together, and I only want to do those things with him.

He is not much for forums, but I know that through this whole battle, all of you have been a part of that strength I needed to get by and I thank you for all your kind words of encouragement, your prayers and support. My fiance and I just want to say thank you and god bless you all. I hope you all beat the odds and enjoy your life with your loved ones.

I'm terrified and just continously hoping and praying for that one miracle that can save his life. I hope for that same miracle for all of you. God bless, take care.