Dear OV,

Jack and I were talking about you and Bhavna and feel so badly about everything you are dealing with. Our son just turned 25 last month and it's just not fair. To answer your question we tried to deal with this by focusing our energy on the immediate problems we had to solve to keep from being overwhelmed by all the details. It's just too much to take in at once. You take it one minute at a time, and then one hour, and then build up to one day and realize that having a bad one is not a failure, it's a normal reaction to a stressful situation.

Right now he's in the hospital where they can assess his depression and come up with some recommendations. Sleeping problems will complicate depression so maybe they can start by giving him medication to sleep and something like Ativan to help him relax. What are they doing for the infection? He shouldn't be having so much pain from the stomach tube, have they checked him for acid reflux? It's very common with feeding tubes but Prevacid or prescription antacids helps take care of that.

Don't underestimate the power of stupid jokes and those massages. I used to do that with Jack and it turns out that's the stuff he remembers from that time. You may not get a reaction right away but I would keep letting him know that you love him and are standing by him. You are right that knowledge is powerful and helpful to know what to expect. It's also a great idea to have him write down his thoughts, I still do that - someday it will be a great book. There's something therapeutic about going from your mind to the paper to help you get rid of it.

What are you doing for yourself? Are you able to talk to someone about your feelings? Hang in there.

Regards JoAnne