Thanks Kristen for continuing to read and reply when you can.

I feel like the pain is what is keeping me from dismissing this. I don’t personally know anyone who suffers from TMJ pain so I can’t compare notes. It seems that TMJ pain CAN mimic the pain of cancer and vice versa. Obviously the tonsil pain is not commonly associated with TMJ pain. I’ll admit that I do sort of “feel around” in there every few days which probably irritates the tonsil though I also do the same on the left and that one doesn’t give me pain. I’ve told myself that I won’t touch it until my appointment tomorrow and see if it improves.

I also have a tight, uncomfortable feeling right around the angle of my jaw. There are lots of lumps around there but I think it’s a gland? I feel similar lumps on the left. I don’t know what’s normal and not anymore. I have moments where I think of the ENT’s parting words to me “we did the CT for your anxiety, that’s all”. And I feel comforted. Only to then hear her say “you don’t smoke or drink, I don’t see any cancer.” I almost feel like I remember her saying “right now”. Then she said “I’ll see you in 6 months.” And man, I want to be comforted that she was so confident that she didn’t want to see me for 6 months BUT, given her remark about my risk factors, I’m not convinced of her experience with this disease.

I can’t remember if it was you or Rabbit, who have both given me good advice as well as kind words, who suggested I ask for clarification on why given my symptoms, malignancy has been ruled out. I’m going to do that tomorrow. That’s definitely been hard for me to understand. The ENT who was annoyed with me actually said “you don’t have symptoms, you have anxiety.” Which is not untrue, however, my PCP used my anxiety to tell me my abdominal pain was not real and I had a 7 cm gallstone in my gallbladder. And I’m not using that in this scenario because I only just thought of the last time I was told that anxiety was causing my symptoms. My pain feels very very real to me. And these lymph nodes are palpable and real as well.