It's HARD to stay chill when you've already had a rough medical history. ((hugs)) In this one way I was blessed ... cancer wasn't even on our radar until ... whoa, it's cancer. I just had a 'sore that wouldn't heal' and after many months of two doctors trying to do something about it, the specialist said, "Some things just don't heal till you cut them out and let them start over." So we went with that. I don't know if he had suspicions or not, but he didn't put any ideas in my head. I came out of surgery with the information that it had been a cancerous tumor, and he'd kept going back in till he had clear margins. Gotta love that he did that, and helped keep me worry-free as long as possible. Of course, then everything went totally nuts, but it was still something.

And, yes, it's hard when you want to protect your family. Remember, though, that's what family is FOR. You sound like you're at the place where you could use some IRL support. Is there a friend you have who's a good listener, if you don't want to bother your husband? (Not saying we don't listen well here, but there's limited help if it's not actually cancer, and you don't know that yet. Fortunately for most folks who drop by, it ends up not being so. And if it's not, you'll still need a listener for whatever you are dealing with.) A sibling? A pet? (Me, I've got a great teddy bear ... I know that sounds cheesy, but I've had that thing since I was ten, and it has been through every imaginable crisis with me. Took it to cub scout day camp last week, even, as part of my mini display of a proper campsite ... the kids loved it. LOL. But that thing is my 'safe' cuddly.)

Many hugs to you. And open ears.