I have thought about the antidepressant thing. I am not sure that any pill will relieve the stress, grief, and overall exhaustion I feel most of the time.

I have friends and family to help but they are all busy with their own lives too. They help when they can and for that I am always grateful.

As far as my ranting last night, I apologize. It has been more than 2 years since I have been so inebriated and I think that one in that condition should avoid keyboards.

I was actually in a good mood until I received the email and then everything just came on as a flood. I was washed over with emotions that I have been keeping in check and I let them spill over to this forum.

I doubt that I am the only one who has ever been at this point and I appreciate all of your comments and suggestions. I do have a therapist who is one of the most awesome people I know. We were friends first and she and I understand each other on a level I cannot even begin to describe.

I called her last night and cried and she told me all that she knew I needed to hear. She always knows what to say and when I need it most. She lost her mother and younger sister to cancer so she understands and has walked this path.

I still feel like my children are being let down and no matter how much control I don't have over this thing I still feel responsible for them. I don't think that is ever going to go away.

It is funny that I can hold it all together most of the time and I get things done that need to be done and I choke back the tears on most occasions. But it just takes that one thing to happen and it all rushes up on you and suddenly you find yourself letting go and falling apart. I think that I will really start worrying when I can't pull it back together.

For now I am ok. I cannot promise that this won't happen again and it is nice to know that if it does I have a place to express myself where people understand. That is very helpful when it comes to pulling it back together.

Thanks to all of you.....

I am now banished to the couch as I have become a lethal weapon in my own home. Earlier today I managed to catch some stupid bug and now I have to keep my contact with Harry to a bare minimum. So I am sleeping on the couch for now. It really sucks that he was gone all week at the hospital and when he comes home we can't even be around each other.

Stephany,
I have been thinking about you all day. I hope you are ok. I wish there were things that could be done or said that would make things better but I think we both know that sometimes there is nothing to make it better. It just is what it is. You are in my thoughts always!!

Love,
Cindy