Cindy,

Wow...You are experiencing what I experienced with my mother. But there is only so much you can do. My mother was very stubborn as well and finally agreed to the feeding tube when she could no longer swallow and we had to admit her under emergent circumstances. Cindy, my mom would write me notes (because she has not talked in a while,...she cant) that her health decisions are up to her. I tried to convince her for months that she did not have to go through the agony of trying to eat but she kept at it...My twin told me that she wanted to keep what little dignity she had left..So I did not push it too badly.....Then, she took me aside and said she was ready..But then she would not go for the procedure until it was a little late....But Cindy..She is not in more pain because of it if that makes you feel better....The procedure for my mother was not bad...I am sorry if I gave you that idea....She has lost weight..In fact 5 pounds in 5 days...She is now 110 from 240 or so....with no feeding tube....The pain is caused by her recurrance of cancer, not the lack of feeding tube....or the feeding tube....If that makes you feel better.....

Also, I found a wonderful lady from this web site...I would email her daughter here and she only emailed her a couple of times....They have the same doctor here and live a few miles away from one another..My mother had a tough time as well with that...Just be patient and make suggestions..That is my advice..When I tried to push my mother, she would take the opinion..I will do what I want when I want, etc etc. You are a great wife and caregiver but it is his life..I had to remind myself that of my mother..In fact, she wrote me a note just yesterday that I was too bossy and to stop asking her questions LOL...like when I would ask if I could get her anything or if she needed anything....

But. I have to say..My mother should have gotten this tube a long time ago..The pain and frustration with trying to eat for the last six months has been unbearable for her.....She even bought the 400 vitamix product to help her blend, etc....We tried soups and everything..Nothing worked..She couldnt get anything down.......

Hang in there Cindy..and please let me know how YOU and your husband are doing..It is so hard on the caregiver Cindy...How is school coming along??? I actually went to my office..Drove an hour and a half and as soon as I arrived, my father called to tell me my mom was in ER so I drove an hour back to the hospital....I have a lot of work to do and am trying to juggle it...BUt, Cindy, please try to keep school for yourself.....When I am at work it is a good distraction for me...

Question: Why is a tube bad for men to do??The men in here I have posted with have never told me that..Maybe I just dont know..Maybe you could try to show him some posts from the men in here that have had success with the tube..Maybe that will help.....:-)

Hang in there CIndy..Believe me..I cried all day and night..When My dad handed me the CT results, I just cried..Not in front of my mother...I couldnt believe it....My poor mother...3 surgeries and 6 weeks of radation to have 3 recurrences....She just cant get a break.....Now she is sitting in a hospital bed now...And I am suppose to go to work..But I will go for an hour or two and then spend the rest with my mother...It is so hard.....

Good luck CIndy..and please let me know as well..And I am glad I am back too :-)

THanks again and God Bless you CIndy

Stephany