Dear Dee,

I never meant to insinuate that I'm bitter over the fact of caring for my husband. Just the opposite.....I love him so much that it hurts.

It hurts to see him go from a robust 180 to 135 in 6 months. It makes me cringe to see him struggle to swallow. It tortures me to watch him gasp for breathe when he sleeps. It pains me to take his boys to baseball practice because he is too weak. It kills me to have to promise him that they will not put in another feeding tube, because he can't handle it.

My intention was never one of bringing other caregivers "down". Only to assure them that they are not alone in their feelings, if they happen to be less than "up".

You are blessed to have the outlook that you do. I am only looking for the same strength that you have achieved.

Until then, I hope I can rely on others in this forum for help.

Mandi

Husband diagnosed with stage III tonsil and floor of mouth cancer in August 2002. Three rounds of chemo/42 RAD treatments. Upper right lung lobectomy in March 2003. (Benign)