I know I'm from the patient's area on this one, but several years ago I was on the caregiver's side of the fence, my first wife had malignant melanoma, eventually passed away from it.

Mandi, Donna, cnilson, you are all feeling NORMAL feelings. I learned a couple of things from my experience from my first wife I'll share if it helps.

First, even though your partner is ill and needs your help, you have to take care of yourself first. That may sound cruel, and it doesn't mean that you should't take care of your partner or neglect them, but make time for yourself. You can't be a good caregiver if you're mentally and physically shot. In our case, with oral cancer, we may not be able to eat solid foods. Don't feel guilty about chomping down on some good food. You need the calories and nutrition also... plus you need the mental comfort of the good food.. feeding both body and mind.

Toward the early stages of my wife's illness, I managed to cook big meals, and went to the gym 3 times a week, basically built myself up. Darn good thing I did, because at the later stages I would have completely been tapped out physically with runs to the hospital, nursing home.

Second, see if you can find a support group of caregivers. This group should be caregivers exclusively, and excluded patients. That way you can talk freely, and you'll find out no, your'e not an asshole for feeling the way you do. There's a nationwide group called Wellness Community, that was set up primarily for cancer paitents, but also has support groups for caregivers. I was lucky enough to be able to participate in one of those, and it was a tremendous help. Strangely enough though, our caregiver support group at one time had a higher mortality rate, mostly due to stress related illness and suicide, than the corresponding patient support group. So, apparently the stress of being a caregiver can be fatal also.

Do something away from your partner... Shopping, movie with friends, etc. Take a little time to get away and forget the situation.. recharge the battery's, get out the frustration.. Mine was just hitting golf balls, or hiring a flight instructor and taking flying lessons for a couple hours. Anyway the golf vented my frustration (as I hit the ball, mentally thinking "here cancer, take that") the flying required complete concentration, shoving other problems, situations out of my mind. At the end of the lesson I was wrung out mentally, but emotionally I was re-charged.

Anyway, just some suggestions from someone who has experienced both sides of the coin. Neither side is fun to be on, we just cope the best we can.

Hope this all helps, take care of yoruselves.
Bob