Hi Colleen - I have been following this thread and know that you are in a lot of pain over your feelings. I also see that you were the one that took your grandmother to her doctor's appointments. I don't know how long ago that was but for me once I had walked down the caregiver path once, each new time brought on further dread and anxiety for me. I took care of a lot of stuff for my own grandmother when she was ill, was involved a lot with a couple of dear friends during their illnesses and was caregiver for a significant other who died of heart disease and my mother who recovered from 3 major surgeries shortly after my stepfather's death. When my husband was diagnosed I was completely falling apart (something I don't usually do)...I actually left the ENT's waiting room so I wouldn't scare the other patients. If you are overwhelmed by the situation with your mother, see your family doctor. There is no shame in being overwhelmed by anxiety/fear. I am sure he/she will be able to help. The best thing I did for myself -- and my husband and kids --- was to get some anti-anxiety medication.

Cheryl