Please try and relax......no matter how hard it is. We cannot change the situation because if we could, we would. I know what you are going through. I live it everyday as well as many others here. Please don't beat yourself up with "what ifs". That's all I did at first. Things like: "when his dentures were bothering him, why didn't I force him to go to the dentist" when he started to look rather sickly, why didn't I make him go to the doctor" -- I, of course, told him that he needs a good check-up and he would just ignore me. Now I realize, that he is a big boy and should have gave me the green light and I would have called the doctor. I can't change that now. Your mom and my hubby's situation sound very similar. I believe your mom may be on Erbitux--maybe not. Jim is on that now. His recurrence is also in his lungs and jaw. You can see the tumor on his chin when you look at him. He also had a tumor in his mouth, but he had 5 cyberknife treatments at Shadyside Hospital in Pittsburgh and the dr. said that jim was responding well as the tumor in his mouth has shrunk. The treatments are done, but if the treatment worked, it takes awhile for it to be noticed.(cyberknife)

Now listen to me please. You need to visit your mom for yourself and also for her. I remember when I would visit Jim in ICU, I would look at him for 5 minutes and then leave and I would thank god that he was "out of it" as I could barely look at his swollen face and stapled neck without becoming almost hysterical.

When he first came home from the hospital I was so stressed and nervous about everything and felt incapable of taking good care of him, but, he needed me !! Remember, it's easier to try and be relaxed when you are with her. Talk to her in a way like you would talk to anybody else. Try to make your time around her like a normal situation (as best you can) talk, laugh, and even cry if you want to. Don't be frightened, relax please.

Believe me, I've had more bad days than anyone can imagine, but I try to have normal days as best I can. I think Jim feels better when he sees that I am coping.

I want you to know, THAT WE KNOW, what you are going through. All situations are different, all of us are different, but we all share the same story -- One of Hope. . . Claudia