Oh Paula - my heart is with you guys through this time. I wish there were words or some special "handshake" to send you that would make this easier.

I agree with Sue on the discussing the future makes you feel somewhat better and in control. That really helped with my mom. When her cancer spread to her lungs and brain it was "wait to die" time. She was very strong mentally for awhile and wanted to do alot of things. Our first reaction was no - rest, take your meds, etc. then we realized that whatever she felt like doing - she should do and if she wanted to talk about her funeral or other depressing stuff - we should let her. Now - by no means am I saying that it's easy for the caregiver - my life was HELL during that time and so was my father's, but we had to do what we had to do for her...

Good luck to you through this and keep posting. The people on this site have got to be the most amazing people in the world!!!