Well, we're home now from a surprise camping trip for me. Jim made arrangements to have a travel trailer brought to a Tx. state park nearby, instructed me to pack cool clothes and bring all of our paperwork.

We have been working on combing our files, he going through his and throwing things away. At once point we came across all the house plans that he had drawn up for us at different points and said he wouldn't be needing these and to toss them as well. I couldn't do it - they were all in his handwriting - he noticed that I put them aside and said, Paula, you didn't do as I asked - I know you want to see my handwriting, but it will not do you any good. He said that he has spoken with so many people that have lost a loved one and one of the hardest things to do was to throw out paperwork - cause they didn't know which ones to keep and which ones to toss. His goal was to remove that burden off of me. So I tossed them, too.

Another pain in his back developed while we were away and it is excrutiating - so I called RAD Dr. and we are to go in Monday. I called his chemo nurse and she told me that this was a good sign, when chemo is working, cancer begins to die and that this is very painful. I've never heard this at all from any of his Dr.'s., so we will talk with his RAD Dr. as he really shoots straight with Jim. Jim doesn't want the "warm, fuzzy, emotional, B.S." - only the facts so he can make the best decisions.

We did talk about our trip to England to see my brother (who is also terminal with cancer) and Jim doesn't see himself making the trip. So I'm to try to get our $ returned or combine the tickets for me....I cannot leave Jim now to go see my brother - I would go nuts being that far away from him.

Also - Jim is sleeping a lot...is this due to the chemo, pain meds or is this what's to be expected when the cancer returns?
How will I know when to call in Hospice, I wake up every hour just to put my hand on his chest to make sure he is breathing; I'm so afraid that I will make a critical mistake and it will cost of precious time together...How will I know when the end is near?

Thanks to you all for being there for me - this board is all I have for support.

Hugs,
Paula