Mom only has 19 more tx's to go. She gets really sore when I say only... Still, less than what she had to face to begin with.
Today when she went back for treatment, I went to the rn's station to talk to them about antidepressant for mom. They said they would talk to my mom when she came out. Sure enough, we were geting ready to leave and they called us over. My mom handled herself a lot better with them than she would have with me. When the nurse said they would help with clarity...mom said she didnt' know if she wanted clarity. She embarrassedme by going off about what state the house is in, laundry, and food plans. I cleaned the house before I took off for the weekend, not really cleaned but did have everything out away, vaccuumed and dusted. I spent over 3 hrs in the kitchen a few wks ago on hands and knees-no one cares if they spill or drop something. I'm finding it difficult to be ok with wiping up after adults constantly. Laundry has always been an issue. Food is something new. She can't eat or won't really try...she's become extremely fussy. I felt like such an idiot sitting there, especially when I started questioning myself. I honestly don't get much help. My parents are the biggest mess makers and yet she complained that it was my kids. They are following other patterns laid out before them. I'm going to talk to them about it.
I feel guilty as hell. I honestly feel like I don't want to put up with this any longer. I've been bending over backwards, not working since mid April and being treated like a servant. I've had it. I want to run away....even when I do escape I feel terrible about it.
The garden we were working on in the beginning is dead...that is my fault too. She didn't like where I was plainting things, I aasked her where she wanted them, she got ticked off and went to her room-never to tell me.
I'm not expecting to have fun, but it would be nice to be appreciated somehow.
I sound like a big baby, I'm ashamed. I just don't know what to do wtih myself.
I hate how this is all going....it's getting worse and her attitude is effecting everyone.