Hello,
Thanks for helping me. I feel bad sometimes because everythign is onesided-my side. What I write is true, but I always have a nagging suspicion that I am biased-which of course I am. I spoke with my kids yesterday, they were wonderful. Jackie, my 17yr old, cleaned my parents bathroom, the back sunroom, had her boyfriend Joe cut the lawn, friont and back. Jessie, my 11yr old, dusted and cleaned up to the point she thought was great! I am just grateful for any help.
I spoke with my mom for about 2 hours this morning. She said she hates herself for the person she is turning into. She cried, it breaks my heart when she does. I feel I have placed an ugly face on a beautiful woman. My mother is the most kind and considerate person I have ever met. This person I am dealing with now, though I know it isn't her, it still hurts when she says and acts certain ways. Last night for example, she was in a 'bad place', dad was sitting with her, holding her and trrying to calm her fears. My neighbor Mary has moved back to her parents house, she is going through hell with an estranged husband-too much to write about to explain--anyway, she came walking down the street with her greyhound. I pulled her into the backyard for her to show my mom her dog-mom loves dogs. It was then that mary started tellingus how her husband wants to keep the dog, the dog belongs to their 8 yr old daughter. The husband was admitted to warminster hospital yesterday. He has kind of threatened Mary about the kid and the dog. My mom got up, walked upstairs, came back down with two sets of keys-one for the house, one for the shore house. She told Mary anytime she needed help, felt she needed a safe haven for her, her daughter or the dog, to just come in, regardless of what she herself(my mom) is going through. She has always been this way.
I am taking off for a week, leaving tmorrow with my kids, my nephew, and Ed. We are just heading to my parents pplace in Stone Harbor, NJ. I'll only be about 2hrs away, if needed. My sister will take care of mom for the week, it's her son I will have. She also has a baby girl, she'll be 2 in Sept-good therapy for mom. Dad is doing what he can, he's overwhelmed with fear and he's in agony because he can't make her better.
I have finally decided that I will do what absolutely needs to be done, do what I need for me, take my dogs for a walk in the evenings, and get together with friends-even if I don't think I will enjoy myself.
I don't know if I ever shared that my mom took care of my brother who was dying from AIDS, it was horrible-much like cancer, never knew what the beast was going to do next. She also was a part time caregiver to my aunt who died of lung/brain cancer...she is frightened, she has ideas of what could happen. She is frustrated because she is denied freedom from this illness. She'll get better. I'll try not to be so harsh about her and my family. We all are trying, in our own ways....even if that means not being the loved ones we can be.
Thanks for all the advice. Amy- as soon as mom gets through this I am running back to the office! I can't wait!!
Love,
Donna