I've been having a day of it all-that's for sure!
Thanks for responding, different, or even same perspectives help a lot.
To answer a few of your questions...
yes, her meds have changed her personality. I can usually pull her around and out of a mood but as of late, she is becoming more and more stressed. I find it difficult to be a whipping post, but I seem to set myself up for it....and it seems to get her to let it out and then she sleeps-and cries. Lately when she wakes up she has no idea where she is. It's upsetting to her and unsettling to me.
Sophie, I had an aunt, who was only five yrs older than me who died from lung and brain cancer. She smoked winstons or marlboros and pot everyday. for years! I remember thinking to myself, I am watching a beautiful woman turn into someone she said looked like tales from the crypt, and I recall thinking, wow, this is horrible, this will stop my family from smoking. It didn't. Everyone says it's an addiction.
I don't know if mom doesn't beleive that she won't make it through all of this. I guess I should ask her. Maybe that would help.
Tonight my dad went up to try to get her to eat something and she started reaching for her cigs instead, he yelled at her, and she blew up. I went up a short time later and saw tobacco all over her light bedspread. I was going to change it, she told me to leave it.
Minnie and Anne-Marie-I wish you guys could be here too. I feel like I know both of you and quite honestly, don't know what I would have done without your friendships.
Today I didn't really do anything. It's been a hairy day for me. Did I tell you that my cousin was killed on Saturday on a motorcycle accident? I called my uncle in GA and spoke with him for a while...felt good to be able to help someone and share love with them in a time like that. I wish I could be there for the services but it isn't possible. I sent a huge spray of bright yellow flowers....seemed fitting. My Uncle reminds me so much of my dad, they are two years apart but could have been twins. I wonder if my dad's parents realize what a wonderful job they did raising such loving children. I with these relatives lived closer. I have tow uncles who are local, mom's brothers, one is older and has been through hell with prostate cancer. He doesn't call, doesn't want to disturb mom. >>>honestly, don't know if I but inot that. My other uncle is only 7yrs older than me and he hasn't spoke with anyone since Lauren died almost 7 yrs ago. I've treid calling to tell him about my mom but no one ever answers.
I tried calling my doctors office today, no one answered-very strange. Will call again tmorrow.
Thanks for always being here. Have a nice night.