Hi Donna,

WOW, I wish I could spend a few hours with you talking about this, because it sounds like you need that more than anything.

I can see this situation from both sides, since your mom is my mothers age AND I was a mother while going through the same treatments.

From a daughters perspective: I would feel just like you do right now, which is angry as hell. How can you NOT feel that way? But just know that the love you feel for her will overpower the anger eventually and your feelings will settle around. It may not be a bad idea for you to look into making your medication stronger. I can't even imagine that your mother is still smoking? I would think it would HURT her mouth? It probably will eventually so maybe that will make her stop. You should matter of fact tell her that the treatments are pretty much a waste of time if she keeps smoking, so why bother?

From a mothers perspective: I know how scared your mother is right now, I've been there. And I was there when I was 20 years younger than she is and still had a 9,11 and 12 year old at home. Don't feel that your mother doesn't love you or appreciate you, she does Donna. She's not herself right now. Although I wouldn't have reacted the way she is (in fact, I didn't react as she is) we all behave differently when put in this type of horrific situation. Are her pain meds altering her state at all?

I wish you well with this Donna. I remember one time when I had like a kind of "breakdown" and my then 21 year old walked around and around the block with me at 3am.............I was mean, nasty and hateful acting and the girl just kept walking with me,not saying a word. She kept squeezing my shoulder and telling me to "let it all out". Boy did I! Your moms behavior is going to yo-yo alot right now so be prepared.

The smoking though, that has to stop although I don't know how you can go about achieving that. Have you told her doctors?
Also, TELL her radiation department what she is doing with the rocks and stones. I can't believe she doesn't have a PEG in already. I would try to get her one now.

Take care,
Minnie