Tom

I sit here and read your post and cry. I cry for so many reasons. I think about the people I have lost and the impact they have had on me . The Hell I have gone through in the last year , the Financial BURDEN I have caused my family in the last year. The fear of doing it again .

I understand what you are saying , And as Much as somtimes I want to say I wouldnt want to go through the half of it again ..I dont know for me it it would be fair , I am a 36 year old mom of 5 . Is it fair to them ? I dunno , But is it fair to them that I am struggling to put food on there table and let them keep up with the Sports and dance , because This DAMN DISEASE has cost us sooo much !! And my health kinda spiraled a bit after.

I am not considered "poor" enough to get help. But I sure am not well off enough to survive . I just went back to work ( had a total hysterctomy 8 weeks ago and back in a couple ago to have some things FIXED Inside ) and I am trying to work 2 jobs, coach school teams, and run kids to sporting events and help out and the Dance studio. Am I going to run myself down ..I have NO IDEA .....I don't know what to do anymore , would they have been better off , if things would have went differently ....and then the bills would have stopped and all , the kids would have been sad and always been sad , but not been under this stress and suffering .

I think only we know what we can do and we need to talk to our families and let them know are feelings. I am glad I am here and I am ok . I just wish I hadnt put my family in this position.
Specially hard this time of year. I hate myself for it .

I hope that you can search inside your self Tom and find the answers.

Shar