Dear Tom
I hardly ever post here, but after reading your post thought I'd add my thoughts, although, not advice, I promise!
I am a 37 year old mum of a 10 year old daughter. I am very happily married, loved my job as a secondary school teacher, delight in my family and friends and felt blessed, until November last year when I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue - stop me if you've heard this one before!
A year ago today I had my operation, free flap from arm to tongue, etc, etc, lymph nodes whipped out (2 affected( chemo/radiation to follow and after months of recovery day by day, I was thrilled to be back at school in September, teaching again. Two weeks later and a routine scan showed multiple mets to my lungs.
You'll know only too well the horror of this.

My doctor was and remains fairly ambivalent about the point of pursuing chemo as a means of trying to stop/slow this, (despite it being, as a basic treatment, paid for by the UK NHS) We pressed ahead regardless and I am about to have my 3rd treatment - so far so good, although no idea if it's having any effect!

I realise I am rambling, but my thougths are that nobody can really say when/if/whether to 'fight' or even what that means for each of us.
I realise that in the States there are often huge financial issues to take into account as well. Here in the UK there are different rules for each NHS hospital and I am only too well aware that decisions are often made here about treatment options based on cost to the hospitals - we have already offered to pay for any available treatments (begging and borrowing if necessary!)
Some days I feel like I can carry on dealing with this indefinitely, but some days I am troubled with doubts. At this stage I am not in pain and other than a slight ache in one shoulder, no symptoms, so I suppose it's fairly easy now; I know that this may not always be the case...
I am trying to follow that old cliche of 'one day at a time' remembering who I am underneath all this medical nightmare. It's strange, but sometimes I think that I am less scared than I was this time last year - the worst has happened, so it changes the fear, I think - at least for now.
So today's plan for laziness is:
finish mooching here; a little internet Christmas shopping; quick tidy round the house; stick my head out into the rain and decide whether to go out or not (probably not as it's hammering it down at the moment); finish reading my current book; maybe a snooze/ listen to my meditation CD; look lively around 4pm as if I have been as busy as a bee all day, when husband and daughter arrive home!
Tomorrow I am out all day with my best friend, for lunching, laughing and shopping - all of this nonsense is enough for me now to say that I am determined to carry on carrying on - beyond that? We'll see - like Scarlett O'Hara - I 'll think of that tomorrow...(or maybe next week..)
I also feel a little foolish as I read back my post, but better too. I'm sure that you'll continue to do whatever feels right for you. I wish you all that you wish yourself,
Georgia