I agree with Cheryl. Tell her how you feel. I think she is in denial about the situation and is trying to protect herself from the whole issue. I get that. She sounds terrified about the whole process and prognosis and doesnt want to deal with it. Maybe she is scared of losing you. But , you do need to talk about this. Both of you do. I would expect a Spouse to be there and to be supportive. You need her to be your rock. Tell her that.
Thinking of you, Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!