J still has serious anger issues about his situation. Everything following the 1st biopsy was unnecessary. He seems to be coming to terms with it slowly. He's still having Erbitux rashes which tend to keep it fresh in his mind. It's a different anger than when he was first diagnosed. But, he still needs lots of time by himself.

On weekends, he sometimes leaves mid-morning and doesn't come home until late in the evenings. After work sometimes, he doesn't come home until after midnight. He likes to go to the beach, go for a drive, etc. He just wants to be by himself. He started collecting sea glass. Anyone expecting to find sea glass on any beach in Ventura County will be greatly disappointed. It is all in glass containers in our house.

I think he felt cheated at first or that maybe he had squandered time. Now, he's just angry that he went through so much unnecessary pain, removal of healthy teeth, an incredible amount of stress, and the enduring Erbitux reaction for no purpose. He's not the same person he used to be a year ago.

J's situation is unusual. Regardless, going through oral cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery is a life changing experience. There are mental and emotional adjustments that go along with the temporary and permanent physical changes. It's a process. But, at some point, a decision has to be made to either rise above it and move forward or remain mired in self-pity and anger.