Jeanna - it's good to hear that sometimes Rod is "loving, polite, willing and more high spirited" so just hang on to thoughts of those times. And try to accept the other Rod that is sometimes very "down" because you know there is hiding in there, the more loving Rod and he will be back. At one point in my son's recovery, I asked him how come he was so happy and high spirited and positive when his friends or his little daughter were around and so depressed and down, sleeping all the time, or just not happy when it was just me that was with him. He told me that it took all his energy to be up and positive when his friends or his daughter were there and when they left he just didn't have any more energy and had to recoup. We all heal in different ways and with our own time line. My son hated to hear his friends say "it could be worse" when he was already at what he felt was the worse so I was careful and told others to avoid that expression. Rod should definitely not blame himself for your "demise" from the job. You made choices and decisions based on what you felt were the best and most loving ones for both of you. Things will get better. Hang in there.