Re the privacy laws - Maybe you could talk to someone at the Mental Health Department re how to go about getting your husband's consent for you to be involved. I can't imagine that they wouldn't realize that someone in depression and undergoing mental health Tx, might not be able at times to make logical or healthy decisions. I seem to remember some time ago a similar situation where the caregiver had finally gotten her "patient" to cooperate or sign something to enable her to be able to consult with the doctors. Maybe someone else will have more ideas or suggestions.
Your and your husband's particular situation reminds me of another caregiver whose husband continued smoking until the end. This was back in 2007. Her name was Liz in the UK and her screen name was Cookey. She started her blog at the point where her husband entered Hospice care - although I think she posted even before re her experiences. If you think it might help, you could check out her blog which starts here:
http://oralcancersupport.org/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=63463&page=1About your husband's reaction to talking to the case worker. . . it's probably his wanting to be in control which is common to oral cancer patients when they feel they've lost control over so many other things which Cancer has taken away. . . do you think he might accept the idea if he knew that it was something that could help you as much as him? Something that would help you take the best care of him?
